Mansplaining 101: Trust me, you probably don't know this so let me tell you

I once had a friend of mine explain the ‘proper’ way to write an academic essay, following up by asking "can you understand what I mean?". 

Ordinarily, I would have seen this as a condescending way of talking - a needless explanation of something I was already well-versed in, in which I would have responded by calling them out of their unnecessary explanation. But what made this experience particularly interesting was that this friend happened to be male, transforming it into a classic case of ‘mansplaining.’ 

The phenomenon of mansplaining - when a man condescendingly explains something to a woman, even on a topic she is already knowledgeable about - is frustratingly common. 

It's so extensive that there's even a specific term for it.  

I'm not sure how our initial discussion arose, but I knew it represented a dynamic I'd experienced all too often. Mansplaining is frustrating and addressing it constructively can be a challenge. 

Often, the male counterpart does not realise that his explanations can be deemed as ‘mansplanations’ and therefore responding to mansplaining requires a delicate balance - addressing the condescension without overly bruising his ego.  

The temptation in these moments is to fire back with a snippy retort with something like "Gee, thanks for that ground-breaking insight. I had no idea how to do the very thing I do every day of my life: write!".  

But that often only puts the mansplainer on the defensive, derailing the conversation from trying to explain why his explanation was unnecessary to a more heated debate on being overly sensitive.  

Instead, I opted for a more diplomatic tack. "Yes, I'm familiar with the standard structure for academic essays," I said, keeping my tone even. "As students, we've both had plenty of practice crafting papers that adhere to those conventions." I paused, meeting his gaze evenly. "Was there a particular aspect you wanted to discuss, or did you have something else in mind?" 

The subtle shift in framing accomplished a few key things. First, it politely but firmly asserted my own familiarity with the topic, denying my friend the opportunity to continue his unsolicited tutorial. Second, it prompted him to clarify his true intent - was he genuinely seeking to collaborate, or was he just bent on demonstrating his perceived superiority? 

Thankfully, in this case, my friend seemed to recognise the subtext and quickly backed off, mumbling something about just wanting to make sure we were "on the same page." The conversation moved on, and I was able to maintain my composure without resorting to confrontation. 

Of course, not every such encounter ends so smoothly. When faced with more persistent condescension, the only way to combat it may be to call it out directly, pressing the other person to examine their assumptions. "I'm curious what made you think I needed an explanation of essay structure. As fellow students, I'd assume we both have a firm grasp of the basics." 

The key is to remain calm and in control. By refusing to be marginalized, and by steering the conversation back to where it belongs, you can begin to dismantle this frustrating habit, one exchange at a time. It's not about winning an argument - it's about reclaiming your own expertise and asserting your rightful place in the discussion. 

After all, we've all been there. That moment when someone, often a man, decides to enlighten us about something we already understand. Whether it's in the classroom, the office, or even during family dinners, these instances of condescension can be deeply aggravating.  

But by responding with poise and confidence, we deny them the satisfaction of diminishing our capabilities. And more times than not, they do not realise that they are mansplaining, making remaining poised all the more important. 

In the end, the goal isn't to embarrass the mansplainer or score rhetorical points. It's about creating a more equitable dynamic, where our knowledge and opinions are given the same weight and respect as our male counterparts. And of course, it would be extremely utopic of us to think that confronting a mansplainer one at a time would change the entirely of gender dynamics.  

Instead, we would hope that by calling our male counterpart out every time we spot a case of mansplaining, that they are reminded that not every situation requires their knowledgeable input, hopefully helping them to give their next mansplanation a second thought before sharing with the room.